S'pose it could have something to do with the fact I've not felt this misplaced in quite a long time. I feel like my mind and heart are somewhere totally different to my body. I think I'm in Melbourne; physically. But mentally, emotionally, whatever else - stuck in a wedge of sunlight in London town.
I think I'm becoming like one of those people who talks constantly about their girlfriend or boyfriend. But with a city. Surely people must get sick of hearing what the weather is like in London, or how I can't stand being somewhere that I grew up - that's always been pretty good to me. Well, fuck you. Because I've listened for years about your relationships and now it's my turn - seeing as though I've not played the whiny girl meets boy girl loses boy friend to anyone in a long time, I get to have this confusion.
I just don't know how to get my shit together so that I can be closer to leaving. I don't know how I'm going to feel all alone in a city that is so far from my home. I don't really like being constantly alone, though I'm definitely the type that likes their space - I can't imagine enjoying life without friends to call up and meet up with. I won't have my best friend that has been my rock for ages, I won't have her to make filthy calls with, or to get absolutely green and giggle with. I don't know what to choose, my soulmate and a city I've known forever or my own path and a new city that I could feel well and truly alone (and eventually, lonely) in.
Truly believe that I have never felt so torn. I know what I've got to do. But choosing one doesn't make it any easier to say goodbye to the other.
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