What's worse is that I've been spending quite a bit of time at home as I'm just enjoying a good rest up. So I'll sit around and just do nothing quite a bit, looking at all the items I've accumulated over the past year and a half. The eight black tshirts that are almost identical cuts and worn out all the same. The fifty something bottles of nail polish - eight of the same purple shade; none of them empty. The twelve bottles of different types of fake tan. About 50 handbags and as many pairs of shoes; none of them tattered in any way and most of them I forgot I even owned. Now; I know it sounds like I shouldn't complain - and I'm not complaining about all the lovely things I own. What I have been getting all rotten about is the fact that I just have spent so long thinking that all this shit was the answer. And now I just feel swamped by it all.
So I'm having a big cleanse out - I've scrubbed the walls of my apartment with bleach and I've sorted every item I own and donated a million and one things to the charity near my house (no one good looking saw the first time, and the second time a really cute boy saw me walking out after coming from dropping all the items off and I was zipping up my bag - I'm almost certain he thought I was stealing from the charity bin). Whilst I've been doing this cleanse out I've been watching the DVDs I picked up in Thailand (all legal- promise). One of them is that show The City (spin off from The Hills). If you don't know about it; lucky you. But so you understand my ramble - it's basically a group of rich, spoilt kids that get wankered and fiddle each other and with each others heads for fun. They hang out with people they can't stand and they spend their energy and time bitching, sooking, fighting, crying, caring too much about what everyone else is up to and calling what looks like hate; love.
I understand I've been out of town a really long time now and most everyone in this place is just an acquiantance to me these days, except a certain few... those of which mostly smoke a great deal of weed and have no desire to do much more than stare at the ceiling talking utter rubbish and listening to good tunes so it's not exactly Mean Girls in my life anymore. But I wonder where these people get the time? Where did I use to find the time to hurt and hate and give a fuck? I don't have the time now, I don't have the energy to answer my phone 98% of the time - let alone call anyone and play mind games.
And then it dawned on me that this is why all I do is talk about myself. Haha. Because I just don't care what goes on with anyone else. I'm so content in my own world and enjoying being selfish that I don't even notice what everyone's getting so worked up about.
In conclusion, I'd just like to say that I truly think I've found the answer to happiness (if I do die once this is posted - consider it a Kevin Spacey moment without the creepy pedo vibe with the cheerleader, and the roses) and I'll let you in on it if you want to know, but I can't take any responsiblity for how it pans out for you:
1. Travel. Travel so much that you never stop. Travel so much that you forget people you don't like. Travel so much that you make friends who speak a language you barely understand. Travel so much that you fall head over heels for someone and never see them again. Travel til you forget which country and which night out match up in your memories. Travel til songs remind you of places and food at home will never be the same as it was in particular countries. Most people say they can't afford it and then sit at home doing a job living where they can't afford anyway... do the same thing, all over the world, don't make excuses. Lose yourself, lose your fucking mind. It's wonderful. There's a whole world out there. I know I still have no idea what I'm talking about. I've yet to travel without most luxuries. I can't wait.
2. Smoke weed. Do it on your own, do it in a park in the sunshine when you have your ipod and some fresh fruit and water and juice, a pen and paper. There is nothing in this world quite so brilliant. Weed is over looked because it's always considered a total drainer. You can get totally blazed without getting so paralysed. My favourite way to smoke is on my own, I think that almost every time I smoke I have eight or nine different revelations about my mind and the world. It's a nice holiday from other peoples bullshit.
3. Stop hanging onto shit - proverbial of course, not actual shit. Shit feelings, shit you don't need to do, shit you don't need to own. You'll start to realise all this free time to do the other stuff that you really need to get off your chest. I can't seem to get my head right around moving to London and what I need to get done before that just now because I need to sort through all this junk I own first and get rid of the 7 other black tshirts I own (okay, maybe just 6) because I just don't need it and I can't get out of this place before I can quite literally stop sitting here staring at it all and wondering where the fuck it came from. So that's it; it's all going and then once it's gone, I'm going to start the planning. And then comes the ultra happy. In the meantime, I'm just above-average happy dancing in my underpants to Kings Of Leon and scrubbing the walls stopping to smoke and nom on some frozen grapes dipped in honey (get onto that, by the way).
So there you go. That's happiness. My new variety. And funnily enough; it's very easily achievable.
On that note though, I thought I'd leave you with a few tunes that sound like happiness to me:
(I really enjoy this video too, as odd as that may be)
Posts
0 comments:
Post a Comment