I No Longer Hear The Music

You know those days; the horrible ones where everything gets on top of you and all you want to do is fix it but you can't and you also can't quite remember how to breathe without swallowing mouthfuls of salty tears? (Of course you know them. We all know them.)
I'm having the one of the worst ones. Busting up my ankle has been the worst possible thing that could have happened to me at the moment. Before now I was struggling to deal with being home, not being in London. I was finding it really hard to get back to my real life. Eventually, a whole day before this happened - I found a clarity that I hadn't had since before I went away to Europe. I had it all sorted, my budget, my schedule, my move to London. And then this happened.
Now I'm stuck in this apartment, in a town where I'm unhappy and bored even when I can move. I hate being confined anywhere more than anything. For this past week I've left the house three times, no longer than 20 minutes each time and all that it does is remind me of when I was sick in '07 and couldn't get out of bed for three months. Those months were the worst time of my life, I don't want anything to remind me of them.
Now everything is up in the air, I have no idea how long my recovery might take or when I'll be able to go to London. I've already been off my feet for a week. It's not healing and I'm not convinced it's just a sprain any longer.
I can't stand being reliant on anyone else and I suppose because of this I have shut a lot of people out - but now it's impossible for me to look after myself and I fucking hate it.

I'm so angry at the world today. I don't want life to be an easy sail through multiple choice, open book kind of test - but this is ridiculous. I'm not even sure what hurts more, the actual physical pain of it or knowing London is going to be further away, that I have to sell my tickets to The Twang and probably miss out on seeing the Mile End boys before they move.

Today is the worst - it hurts more today than it has in days and it's that kind of physical pain that makes you shake, makes you vomit and forces you to cry even though you've given every last morsel of yourself up trying not to do so.

I just want to scream but I've not really got the strength left.
This isn't me. I want my fucking life back please.