There's Money To Be Made, Beauty Is A Card That Must Get Played.

Lying in bed having not slept once again all night. Boo.
I swear to god having insomnia is so fucking frustrating. I just wish there were a Snooze button I could hit whenever I needed 8 or so hours and my mind would just shut off.
I've really had a big think over the past few hours since getting home and I've decided that I don't like this whiny little bitch I've become.
I constantly seem to be sooking about something, I'm always being hypocritical to the point of laughter and I don't have anything to cry about.
I am confused about the way I've been acting lately because it's not been my nature to be so humbly melancholy; I hope that my writing has never been misconstrued as being ungrateful for what life offers. But the thing is I have worked so hard my entire life to be this happy and maintain that so it's not as though it were handed over on a silver platter.
I see everything these days in this total pattern of "see/want/get". If I don't get something that I want it bugs me to the point of maddening frustration; it's not childish or bratty that I see it this way and if you think so it's probably only because your a bit of a lazy twat. One of those people content to sit in a jealous frenzy about everyone else rather than spending that time making things happen. That's the best thing about life; it's yours to fuck up and fail or front up and clear the board.

My problem though is that sometimes there's not enough hours in the days to fill in all the stuff I'm excited to do and then not sleeping becomes an issue because I've never got the energy to do all of it.
Stay up all night planning life and random tasks only just to finally fall asleep on my to do list.
The only sleeping that should be associated with To Do lists is when I cross off hotties that are on it. Zinggg.

Anyways, I've got plans. Basically it's as simple as this - I'm in love with travelling and keeping me busy keeps me from getting confused or being a total douche bag so I'm going to arrange a few more trips for this year/next year and sort through some more planning/to do lists for life because I've crossed off my old one completely.

I'm really excited to think that I've started to resurface as who I love being. I was feeling a little lost for a while but I'm feeling more inspired than I have in a long time right now. I just hope that once I get through today on no sleep again that I can end the day on the same note I am feeling now. Not having slept a proper night in a week at least is tailor made for killing even the best laid plans and optimism.

Wish me luckkk. Plus; the egotistical overly determined bitch I've spent the past blog entry describing is much more fun/funny/altogether fantastic then I've been of late so at the very least me getting on top of it will make for a good read...
Either way, get the highest heels back out of the wardrobe; when planning a comeback one requires the perfect shoes for trampling all over the lesser end of society... Which is of course; most everyone else.
One must also believe the previous statement to be true... (hey, I've not ever said I had a problem with loving myself - it's those snot nosed other people I can't commit to)

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