It's All Well & Good, 'Till You Are Told You're Neither Well Nor Good

Mary: "Tell me Edmund, do you have someone special in your life?"
Edmund: "Well, yes, as a matter of fact I do"
Mary: "Who?"
Edmund: "Me"
Mary: "No, I mean someone you can love, cherish and you want to keep safe from all the horror and the hurt"
Edmund: "Errmmm... Yeah, still me really"

--Blackadder Goes Forth.

I realised today with total and complete certainty I will never have a soul mate; a true love… a better half.
Now don't feel sorry for me - I'm not like some sad fucks out there ("Though not you, course" I says with a cheeky wink and pirate like grin) that will never find someone and spend their entire life being miserable about it.
Oh no, I've found my one. In fact, my one and I have been together quite some time. You can even say we're a bit of a menage trios - Me, Myself and I.
There are many signs over the years that have made me realise I feel this way. But since I've started smoking my greens rather than eating them I've had three big "Why I Love Thee So" epiphanies.
When I went away most recently I went away in a sulk. I was in a shit mood and I wanted to runaway to a country where majority of the population wouldn't speak English and therefore I would not really need to converse with anyone at all. I was at my wits end with human beings as a whole and my home town and the people that fill it had driven me fucking mental. Take note: I probably caused more grievance than I received but I've always been a bit of a cunt, sorry. Anyways; I just wanted to get away to escape within myself and become recluse for a bit.
Now why did I want to do that? Because when people surround me too much I lose my mind. I don't like people very much. It's not because I am down on the world and I think everyones out to get me; it's just that I don't really like anyone as much as I like myself.
I can talk to myself in the mirror - especially when I'm high. Call me crazy but it's funny. I don't do it because I love my reflection, I hate things about the way I look like everyone does but whatever. It's because I find it ridiculously intriguing to see the way I look when I speak. I don't have actual conversations back and forth; I might just say something I just thought out aloud, or I might repeat the line I heard from whatever DVD I'm watching. I also don't walk into the bathroom specifically to look at myself and chatter away either; it's just that in my living room there is a full length mirror near the window where I sit more often than not (it gets the best lighting in there for doing my make up).
I also realised that I've never really liked a romance film for the romance part of the story line. Take any romantic comedy for example; I rarely remember the guy actor that is in the film or that there was even a love story in it (yet that's the main storyline), I remember weird facts about the (always) fashionable, successful main character who has her life in control and is amazing physically and mentally; and also seems to have people putting her on a pedestal everywhere you look. I remember moments that I find odd inspiration within. That's why I don't ever watch romantic comedies from start to finish on dvd. I watch them up to a particular part, generally where the girl starts falling for the guy and also starts to get hurt and lose her mind (and dignity if you ask me). It bothers me when the character becomes weak. I only enjoy watching them be perfect; so that I can take inspiration out of that. Again proving further that I care about me and my successes rather than another person coming near my life and fucking it up or minimising 'me' time.
And my last piece of proof came this afternoon when I rolled a perfect spliff on my favourite grape papers, took out the new amazing selection of dvds out of the shopping bag - I plugged in the new surround sound, pressed play on the Up In Smoke dvd and blazed up on my balcony. I was giggling and rapping the whole time. I know every fucking word and I impress myself with how tight I can rap sometimes and it bugs me that I don't think girls can rap.
I put on Purple Pills by D12 after a bit and I danced about my living room for the entire song and laughed so hard that I cried. That's when it dawned on me, I'm really fucking happy.
I don't like that some of my friends are dealing with heavy shit right now but I've worked so hard to be this happy. I've really gone through my share of unhappy and I won't be guilty for not feeling that way now; if anything I just hope it makes it easier for me to be there for other people. But the past thirteen months have been a whirlwind for me; I've grown up - got a new apartment, taken forty plus flights across the world; found a town I love as much as myself, heard some great new music an spent time with great people watching great youtubes and telling fucking perfect timed jokes. I hope this feeling lasts; and if it does not - I want something like this to remind me of it.

Hope you're happy. Whoever you are.